Who says that I/we can’t have healthy, abundant, fulfilling life/lives?
I want to lead by example. Doing that is very important to me.
It’s meaningful in following my dreams, and making a healthy, abundant, fulfilling life for myself. I utilize the qualities of patience, wisdom, and grace in all that I think and do.
I also want to do that with the greatest humility.
I don’t follow rules. To me, rules are made to be broken.
My visual art, writing, sculpture and photography, all follow that premise.
I believe in uniqueness and in having multifaceted abilities, while rallying against oppression in society, and sometimes the byproduct of that causes friction, and in some cases, intolerance.
We all know how we, as disabled folks, are wrongly treated by our many leaders. But can we demand better? Yes, I believe we can and are–in stages.
I feel that many people take what they now have, as something that’s constant. But we know that things aren’t always that way.
Our bodies need rest, value in our own worth, compassionate caring, sustenance, a living wage, and freedom from oppression. And the medical and societal beliefs that we must grapple with are as a result of people putting their own thirst for power first, and not in the community in which we all live.
We all must give ourselves care. I’m not speaking of that. But I struggled with internalized ableism all my life. I felt that if I could only work more, then my life would be better. But it wasn’t. All I did was create fear, hypervigilance and exhaustion.
I believed that if only I wasn’t disabled, then others would like me more. But that made me unaccepting of my body and its human nuances.
I felt that everything in my life, like my failed relationships, my arts practice, and how I lived with myself in this body, were as a result of my flawed thinking. Well…it kind of was.
I had to learn how to care for myself. Before that, I’d work at writing proposals, incessantly checking my email, exercising non stop, and never cultivating the mindset of ease and comfort in my life, gradually moving into new things, and feeding my Soul every day with beauty, hope and grace,
I also realized that when someone becomes angry, it’s more about them, and less about me. When I learned to not take someone’s anger so personally, I began changing.
I later learned to adopt a healthy love of life and start doing things for myself that I could do, and stop worrying about the things that I couldn’t.
I finally read all my art books that I’ve collected over the years. I spent time on Instagram looking at funny AI reels. I ate some pretzels, and I got myself a small sketchbook and spent time drawing in it every day.
Or I did absolutely nothing!
And you know what? It made me see how ingrained ableism really was in my own life and in my psyche.
I began feeling better about my talents, my flaws, and my ability for resiliency.
For the first time, I felt like I belonged.
When I truly felt valuable, I found places, and peace, that gave me a sense of openness that I’d not felt before.
I’m big on Law of Attraction. When I became more aware of my joy and how to keep it, people’s feelings about me were of little care to me. I focused on doing “Soul ”work” and aligning myself to my Source Energy. More joy followed, and my old patterns wore away, or at least I became more aware of when I was spiraling downward and soon corrected it. Better things started coming into my life. In time, I was able to feel joy doing the simplest of things.
I felt so much better, and in turn, I brought out more joy in others as well.
But then, I lost my way yet again.
My circumstances began to erode and I found myself spiraling into a web of despair and hopelessness. My depression and anxiety came back. I started eating a lot and art didn’t mean that much to me anymore. I had lost my way, and I didn’t know how I was ever going to get back.
I spent a lot of time with my Inner Knowing, asking it for guidance. What I heard was: “You must take a different tack.” So I did.
I stopped and stepped back. I surveyed the damage. I gave up the “shoulds” for the “wants,” and was much happier.
I spent more time making and enjoying art. I bought more art books about specific artists that I loved, and looked at them. I ended my obsession with Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, and all social media. I had been chasing it for too long. I ended my chronic illness, and my pain, by doing things for myself. And I’ll never go back to living the life I used to have.
But after a time, I felt like I wanted to give birth to a dream of mine. So I decided to make my own special space for disabled folks.
I started The Bedbound Artists Society for disabled bedbound and Homebound artists. I wanted to create a force for belonging and inclusion within the art world.
So much of my existence was focused on me navigating my life in a meaningful, hopeful way, so I became a Medium after I was called to a life of service to those experiencing grief and needing some emotional support. Now I can say that I’m on my way to thriving.
I also now know that no one can make me happy. That only I can do that. And it isn’t my job to be responsible for anyone. I am just responsible for my own life, in as much of a way that I possibly can. That also meant giving up my dream to walk again. Yes, it was hard. I wanted to be liked. But I find that I’m a much better person because of learning to love myself. And really, if you don’t love you, then who can you love?
Attitude is everything. You can change your perception. It just takes perseverance, compassion, and wisdom, along with an understanding that it does take time.
I now operate through love, and in love,and I believe that we all must be treated with kindness, compassion, gentleness and love–all people on this planet and wherever one is on their journey through life. Anything less than that is abhorrent and unnecessary.
We are all wondrous human beings, capable of greatness, and along with that are feats that some of us never dreamed possible. It’s up to us to pave the way for the younger generations to come, and to cushion the blow for those in society who need it.
We can all make a difference, and it’s not unattainable. Just make small steps, and it gets easier as you go.
We can all thrive. It just depends on your perspective.
And leadership that promotes these qualities will guide our Earth towards a better future, with greater possibilities and in finding our quantum potential. We must step up and defeat the oppression we face with gentleness and understanding. Only then will we bring about a just society full of humanity’s innate power to transcend boundaries and give each person a purpose to live a good life.
Isn’t it so worth it!
