A reason for why I don’t post very often is my perfectionism and fear of making mistakes – particularly when writing. So please be forewarned that my writing will likely be messy and unedited for some posts from hereon out.
I took the VIA Strengths survey before our last meeting a week ago and my greatest strengths were:
1. Prudence: Being careful about one’s choices; not taking undue risks; not saying or doing things that might later be regretted.
2. Love of learning: Mastering new skills, topics, and bodies of knowledge, whether on one’s own or formally; related to the strength of curiosity but goes beyond it to describe the tendency to add systematically to what one knows.
3. Appreciation of beauty and excellence: Noticing and appreciating beauty, excellence, and/or skilled performance in various domains of life, from nature to art to mathematics to science to everyday experience.
4. Honesty: Speaking the truth but more broadly presenting oneself in a genuine way and acting in a sincere way; being without pretense; taking responsibility for one’s feelings and actions.
5. Kindness: Doing favors and good deeds for others; helping them; taking care of them.
I think this is accurate. I love and hate that prudence is my biggest strength. I tend to overthink and worry about doing/saying things I might regret. Making mistakes, I’ve learned, can always happen no matter how much I plan and mull over my decisions. A mentor previously told me that knowing where to find information is the answer. So, I wonder if I should just move forward and plan as best as I can, make the mistakes and then find the answers to any problems once they arise.
On reflection, some of the joy that I gather from artmaking and experiencing art is from connection, learning and experiencing/witnessing beautiful, new things. Sometimes I feel a sense of euphoria when seeing/feeling/hearing art. I think this joy may connect to my other strengths. Honesty is a strength I’m wondering I should temper.
My weakest strengths were:
1. Forgiveness: Forgiving those who have done wrong; accepting others’ shortcomings; giving people a second chance; not being vengeful.
2. Leadership: Encouraging a group of which one is a member to get things done and at the same time maintain good relations within the group; organizing group activities and seeing that they happen.
3. Self-regulation: Regulating what one feels and does; being disciplined; controlling one’s impulses and emotions.
4. Zest: Approaching life with excitement and energy; not doing things halfway or halfheartedly; living life as an adventure; feeling alive and activated.
I was surprised that forgiveness and self-regulation were common among our group as weak strengths. Hearing others’ experiences made me realize that we may be struggling in similar ways – having to explain, repeat, struggle, validate, help, protect, find safety, etc. It was validating and saddening to hear that it was common.
I think I could grow more as a leader in many ways. Sometimes I feel as if I’m missing crucial angles and perspectives when leading a project or working on my own. A lot of the art is created while I process emotions and ideas. For quiet and sensitive leadership, it seems that having teammates you trust to respect the process is extremely important. My goal was also to develop a manageable process that would respect my energy, needs and nourishment – self-trust is also important. To believe that the process will lead you to somewhere eventually or that you may learn something from it requires trust.
I reflected on what my leadership metaphor may be and I think the past version is a passing cloud. I’m a cloud in the sky – quiet, observing, purposely unobtrusive, gathering energy, overlooking, not dominating, one of many. Then, when energy is gathered, it results in a torrent of rainfall (expression, story, emotions, movement). Then it goes back to being one of many clouds in the sky.
I’m not sure if that’s the leader I want to continue to be. I’m looking for more pleasure, joy, nourishment, comfort, curiosity, zest… So I’m searching for a potential new metaphor.
A few things I’m excited to do:
1. Take photos of clouds
2. Audio descriptions as experimental writing
3. Create textures
4. Make sounds
