Currently huddled in a work space – quiet, relatively peaceful and cool. I have this tablet, mini keyboard and this lone desk, for now.
After today’s meeting with the cohort and coaches (Sarah and Sean), I feel all sorts of feelings. Excited, confused, overwhelmed. There were things brought up that destabilized my cynicism and made me more hopeful for the future.
We discussed systemic ableism and disability culture. Various systemic pressures have created such a perceived sense of lack and wrongness. We carry that deep in our bodies. And while I think it’s not right, I’m also not perfect. I’ve also carried these feelings and forwarded them onto others. As an artist, I’ve also felt pressured to pretend or perform as something different than what I was or how I was feeling. Feelings were negated. Valid challenges were dismissed. I was taught by peers that the artist (not to mention personal) front facing self shouldn’t contain and present the parts that seem more vulnerable and scared. Perhaps the art object itself could contain the emotions but an artist must be cold, strategic and objective.
I’m looking forward to meeting myself in a different way through this residency. Also, I’m grateful to Sync and my fellow artists for the opportunity to make and be a part of community, and for reiterating that I belong in this space.
